Screwing with the Telemarketers

After watching this video supplied by one of my lovelies in response to my previous grumble regarding telemarketers, I thought I would share my all time favourite conversation with a telemarketer. I know some people who sit the phone down and walk off leaving the TM’s talking to air, or hand the phone to their toddlers or others who have whistles next to the phone to blow into the speaker, or those who just stick to the plain ol’ tried and true torrent of abuse, but being able to screw with their heads really appeals to me………………….

It would probably have been around 12 months ago that I was visiting my mum when she received a call from a heavily accented Asian sounding telemarketer. After becoming frustrated at not being able to understand them and thinking that she wouldn’t be able to deliver her standard “but mobile phones are the devil’s work!” that usually sent them running for the hills (well OK, not literally running, but certainly hanging up in a hurry), she handed the phone to me……………….

Me: Hello, who’s this?

TM: Hi I’m calling from bleep bleep to tell you that you have been chosen to receive a free new mobile phone.  It’s a bleep bleep somethingorother with…….

Me: Why?

TM: I’m sorry?

Me: Why have I been chosen to receive a free phone?

TM: Oh. (thoughtful pause) For being such a good paying customer.

Me: What company did you say you were with again?

TM: bleep bleep

Me: Then how do you know that I’m a good paying customer?`

TM: Sorry?

Me: I’m not with your company I’m with bleep bleep so how do you know that I’m a good paying customer?

TM: (coyly) How do you think I know?

Me: (outraged dramatic voice) *gasp* YOU’RE A HACKER! You’ve hacked into my details at my phone company and gotten at my records. I’m going to need your name and the name of your supervisor so I can report you!!

TM: (alarmed voice) No No No No

Me: Yes. Yes I am, you can’t do that, we have laws in this country you know!!

TM: No No No No, we have arrangement and share information

Me: My phone company would not share my personal information without my permission! The only way you would have seen my billing information is if you’d hacked my records. Give me your name!

TM: No No No No, I no hack into your records, I

Me: (still high pitched and agitated) I’m going to report you to the police, you can’t do that in this country…..

TM: (getting panicked) Oh no, I just….

Me: (completely calm voice) You just are going to put this number on your do not call list right now aren’t you?

TM: (knowing full well they’d been had) Yes. Certainly ma’am. I’ll do that for you right away.

Me: Thankyou. Have a nice day and remember……. Jesus loves you.  *click* (that’s me hanging up)

 Then I had to pick my mother up off the floor where she was rolling around, crying and laughing, so I could go home. 😀