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Harsh Lessons September 25, 2008

Posted by Mistress B in Family, In Laws, Parenting.

My bro is getting a crash course in some harsh lessons the past few days.

It’s damn hard to reason with someone who doesn’t think straight.

It’s damn hard to reason with someone who’s paranoia is out of control.

It’s damn hard to reason with someone who constantly tries to manipulate you.

It’s damn hard to reason with someone who doesn’t understand that their actions have consequences.

It’s damn hard to reason with someone who doesn’t understand how badly her poor choices are impacting their children, who doesn’t understand that you aren’t trying to punish them but merely protect your kids.

It’s heart breaking when you realise that your children are never going to have the relationship with their other parent that they deserve because that parent just isn’t capable of it regardless of their love for the children or their good intentions.

There are moments when you want to rage at the injustice of it all.

There are moments when you feel trapped by the harshness of it all.

There are moments when the grief for what will never be is overwhelming.

There are no winners here.

All you can do is give the kids the best chance at stability and safety for the day to day life and let everything else fall where it may.

Harsh lessons indeed.


1. Pure Evyl - September 25, 2008

Indeed they are. I wish the young ‘uns the best.

2. Anja - September 25, 2008

I hope your bro has the strength to endure what’s ahead.

3. Jayne - September 25, 2008

So long as the kids are safe, fed and happy that’s all that matters in the big scheme of things.

4. widdleshamrock - September 25, 2008

I think your brother will do well !!!!!!

Who says that the children are always better off with mother anyway ??


5. dancingwithfrogs - September 25, 2008

I just hope that she’s not good at manipulating beaurocrats….

the kids are lucky. They have people like you who care for them.

6. leechbabe - September 25, 2008

Wishing your brother well during what has to be a extremely difficult time.

7. Gemisht - September 25, 2008

Wishing your brother and his kids all the very best. And you too. Sometimes sitting on the sideline is harder. I hope that they can get what they need and what they deserve. I am sure that they will, it might just take a while. Sending lots of strength vibes for all of you 🙂

8. river - September 25, 2008

Sometimes the harshest lessons are the most necessary. Things will work out, don’t you worry. The kids safety and happiness is paramount at this point.

9. magneto bold too - September 25, 2008

Hugs babe. You are feeling the hurt for your brother.

10. Bettina - September 27, 2008

Evyl – thanks mate

Anja – I think he finally does.

Jayne – yes thats the important thing

WS – In this case they certainly aren’t! She wasn’t even raised by her own mother for exactly the same reason.

Frogdancer – thanks hon. I think she’s gone a bit too far. The school are supporting my bro too which should help take care of any beaurocrats.

Marita – thanks babe.

Gem – thanks darl. I’m in ‘been there, done that’ support mode basically.

River – too right! I know things will work out too, it’s just messy in the meantime.

Kelley – This post was pretty much the conversation I had with him the night before when I told him what to expect. Dealing with an ex who is off their rocker and simply not capable of being sensible or focused on the big things isn’t easy. His current difficulties remind me so much of my own with my freak ex. I’m glad I’m able to tell him that it will be ok though if he just sticks to his guns and doesn’t get sidetracked by her bullshit.

11. Naomi - September 29, 2008


I hope they sort it out OK.

Hopefully she realises, at least, that letting go of custody will help make HER life easier.

12. Bettina - September 29, 2008

Naomi – Oh I’m sure she will, cos it’s all about her after all.

13. Naomi - September 29, 2008

Hope so, love. Because it works a lot better than “I’ll be a bad mum if I give up my kids, so I won’t give them up and then I’ll be a good mum” delusions :-/

14. Bettina - September 29, 2008

I think she’ll very, very quickly get quite used to not having to worry about pretending to be the great mum and not having to be responsible for their day to day and start drifting in and out at will.

She is without a doubt the most self centred creature I have EVER met in my life.

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