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Where to start………… July 1, 2008

Posted by Mistress B in Ramblings.

Excuse me while I brain dump. It’s been a hell of an afternoon.

Where to start…………….. hmmm………. I was always a little sad as a child, hearing about things that others did with their grandparents.

My nan died when I was a mere 9 months old. My grandpa when I was 3 or 4 years of age. When I was 5 my granma died, leaving only my maternal grandfather. Grandad was a cranky bastard that I was always a little fearful of. He was crippled with arthritis for as long as I can remember and died when I was 11.

I had a lot of experience with death. But then you expect, as a child, that old people will die. It was the way things were meant to be.

My children have been blessed to have all their grandparents still alive. They may not all be terribly involved, but they are all still alive and kicking. We even have a great grandparent still around. Death has not been part of their world and in this time of prolonged lifespans and improved medical care, it is not something that would be a part of many children’s lives yet.

So where do parents start explaining things like some recent events to children? Where do they start to explain such senseless acts? Where do they start to explain things they don’t understand themselves?

How do you explain to a child that someone younger than them, someone that they knew and had some responsibility for or that they played sport with, is gone?

It’s not right.

It’s not fair.

It’s not how things are *meant* to be.



1. Suze - July 1, 2008

I think you can explain it, and yet them know you don’t understand it? You have to be honest with them though, being such a close community – they’ll only find out from others.
I think another important thing is that if they have questions, and need to know anything, that they feel they can come and ask you.
It’s OK to tell them yo don’t understand why, either.

Good luck, am thinking of you


2. Jayne - July 1, 2008

FB heard the news and we tried to explain.
(((hugs))) It’s especially hard for you having known the family.
I agree with Suze, be honest and open with the kids and they’ll discuss their worries with you rather than bottle it up.
There’s never an explanation for this type of thing.
Only piss-weak excuses that don’t cut the mustard.

3. Guera - July 2, 2008

OMG, I saw the headline before but only just read the story and realised where it happened. It must be so shocking for the community – so much more so in country towns where so many people know the people involved.

I agree with Suze and Jayne to be as honest with the kids as you can (as much as they can handle at least) – and it’s OK to say you don’t understand why it happened. And encourage them to talk to you about how they are feeling. It’s an awful thing for kids to have to realise that there are people like this in the world.

4. widdleshamrock - July 2, 2008

Yes, senseless, totally senseless.

My love and thoughts are with you, your kids and your community.

5. dancingwithfrogs - July 2, 2008

Isn’t it awful. I think everyone in Australia hugged their kids a little more tightly that night.

6. frogpondsrock - July 2, 2008

My thoughts are with you and yours Bettina. I have been thinking of you since I heard the news.xxx.
I remember what it was like down here after Port Arthur the whole community was just shocked and numbed by such a senseless act. the media focuses on your little part of the world for all the wrong reasons and it is hard to come to terms with the fact that sometimes there are no answers.


xxx kim

7. Anja - July 2, 2008

There is no sense to violence.

Violence against children is the worst type of violence.

When children start feeling unsafe and insecure because of this type of violence it is heartbreaking. All I can suggest is to remember to tell each other how much you care… how much you love each other… every freakin’ day.

Blessings to you and yours and every child who may be feeling a little lost because of this horrendous tragedy.

8. Talia - July 2, 2008

I have no idea really what’s happened, but I hope and pray that you find the right words to tell your kids what they need to know.

I think it’s important that they know what’s right and what’s wrong- and what is okay things to happen to people, and what isn’t.

Good luck Bettina.


9. river - July 2, 2008

Not sure what to say here. Open family discussion seems a good idea, lots of reassurance that this sort of thing is not common. Answer any questions as soon as they come up, “we’ll talk about it later” is NEVER a good idea. Ask questions yourself too, how do you feel, are you feeling threatened, sad, wary. Talking the feelings and emotions round and round has to help.

10. Pure Evyl - July 6, 2008

Finding the right things to say in a horrifying experience is tough but I know that with your compassion you will find the right words. Take care.

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