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Does there have to be a reason? June 29, 2008

Posted by Mistress B in Ramblings.

I haven’t been in the best head space the past few weeks (have you noticed? lol)

I’ve had a bit on my plate with brigade stuff – mainly with not getting the support we were promised from the zone office.

I’m feeling a bit excluded from things happening with my daughter (Miss Lou will become a full time boarder next term). And then I’m under pressue to finalise plans for school holidays when I don’t yet know what my hubby’s movements will be.

I’m feeling a bit of financial pressure with my pc, mobile and car problems all needing attending to and school holidays are coming up.

And we all NEED a break from the routine of school.

Then an aquaintance that continually rubs me the wrong way got under my skin. I dunno why. It shouldn’t have happened.

It’s my fault. I should have just kept my big mouth shut and not questioned what her game was.

She wants to know why I’ve all but cut off contact with her and don’t want to meet up with her in a few weeks time. I don’t particuarly want to say “cos you drive me up the fucking wall” cos that wouldn’t be nice. True, but not nice.

Last year when we moved I didn’t pass onto her my new phone number. She would txt and ring me a few times a day with no regard to any plans that I may have mentioned, to make comments on other people’s jokes, or to rant about some dickheads posts on a forum or some such. She’d txt me from the bus stop when she was bored. She would txt or ring to make cracks about people from a time long past when we used to knock about msn groups together. People that were not friends and that I long wanted to forget. Jokes that were once funny lose their humour after the eleventy billionth time they are told. I couldn’t handle it anymore.

It was overwhelming. I admire this persons passion and loyalty to their friends but oh my god! We would have an email loop going and next thing she’d ring me instead of emailing everyone back to make a crack. Frequently those cracks were something to do with past adversaries that I would rather forget so didn’t find at all humorous.

I don’t ‘do’ msn groups anymore. I don’t care what bullshit fundamentalist christians are going on with these days or about correcting ignorance. I don’t and have never seen ‘ripping someone a new one’ as a form of stress relief and/or agression reduction.

She prefers to communicate by phone. I find her constant calls and txts way too much. Besides, when you are emailing in a loop and start replying to people individually it seems rude to me. She reckons it’s too much to expect because her typing is too slow. I find her inability to let the past rest and her complete lack of tact offputting. She says I’m blunt and intimidating. I have to be very blunt with her though cos she doesn’t get it when I try tactful.

We’ve had no meaningful conversation by either medium about what’s going on in each other lives for 12 months now.

But she still wants to get together soon.

I don’t understand why.

I’ve got nothing to say to her.

People move on. It happens. I don’t understand why it has to be a big thing. It’s not a matter of a vent and a bitch and airing anything to get it all out in the open because I don’t want to go back there.

It’s rather simple really. I don’t like how she sees me.

I think she see’s that hard outer shell that helps me deal with the difficult people in my life and senses a kindred spirit. We’ve both lived with abuse at the hands of our schizo exes. My hard outer shell though is something that I can take off at will. I don’t think she can yet. She can be so bitter and vengeful and so grudgeful and hold on to things forever. She does things that shock me at times.ย  And then she tells others that I’m just like her. Or she’ll tell me that I’m just like her.

And that horrifies me.



1. dancingwithfrogs - June 29, 2008

Back slowly away…..

You’re doing the right thing. I’m an expert at gently sliding away from people that I don’t want to have anything to do with. Life is far too short and sweet to have anyone taint it.

2. Dorothy Stahlnecker - June 29, 2008

Good luck and I think your right as well. This relationship is not working and is costing you anxiety. I hope you move on.

Dorothy from grammology
hug your grandma

3. anja - June 29, 2008

You’ve got a hard assed shell around you for a good reason. That doesn’t mean that you are bogged down in the same old crap and are incapable of moving on (which she seems to be)

Just because you may have had things in common doesn’t mean you’re both now at the same place.

B, I KNOW she has that ability to get to you. And I KNOW you have rationalised this all to yourself and know that you’re not being a bitch in this situation. Life moves on, and we drift in and out of circles.

*sigh* You’re right about life being far too short and sweet. Don’t let this hiccup cloud your day.

4. Bettina - June 29, 2008

Thanks. ๐Ÿ™‚

I think I just needed to put it down to clear my head.

5. Jayne - June 29, 2008

Yep, the relationship has died and it’s better to keep it that way.
I still get emails from people I used to chat to online and on the phone from my msn groups and I ignore them because my priorities and life has changed.
If she pushes for the reason why you don’t want to catch up be blunt and honest – tell her you have many different interests that keep you busy and you’re enjoying yourself.
If she calls tell her you can’t talk for long as you’re about to go out/in the middle of baking/waxing the PSLS’s back/practicing fire eating, whatever.It underlines the fact that you have other interests and are busy but happy.
And don’t fret about her telling others that you’re just like her – other people make their own judgements and I’m sure they can clearly see that you’re a vastly different person ๐Ÿ˜‰

6. magneto bold too - June 29, 2008

Oh sweetie I know people like that! When you find the solution, save slapping them around the head, please share!

Hugs babe, people like this suck the life blood out of you.

7. Darla @ UltraBeautyBoutique - June 29, 2008

She thinks typing is slow but texting is NOT? WtF?

No, no reason necesarry….just cuz. ๐Ÿ˜‰

8. widdleshamrock - June 29, 2008

B, I have never found you to have a hard outer shell.

I have found nothing but warmth, love and compassion.

The times I found you ‘blunt’ was after many times of frustration of trying to say something nicely.

9. Lisa Black - June 29, 2008


thinking of you, as i know that this is a hard thing to do when you know its right.

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