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A Chopping Good Time May 24, 2008

Posted by Mistress B in Family, Funny Stuff, Hubby, Ramblings.
Tags: ,

You are not going to believe what I’ve done to myself this time.


Or maybe you will.

But it’s still all the PSLS’s fault!


It is.

He broke the axe earlier this week and that’s why it’s his fault.

He has been away most of the week and hasn’t had a chance to fix it so I was fiddling with the axe seeing if I could get what was left of the old handle out of the axe head so I could put the new handle in. Managed that fine despite me whinging at my husband not ten minutes earlier that he ‘couldn’t possibly expect me to fix the bloody thing myself when I didn’t know where his tools where and why couldn’t he f’ing well take care of these things himself occasionally cos I was sick of having to be the man around the house as well as the wife and just cos I ‘could’ do something doesn’t absolve him of responsibility around the house.’

Fiddled a bit more trying to get the new handle to fit.

Dropped the axe………….It just slipped right out of my fingers, like in slow motion.

Landed on my foot.

Blade side down.

I wasn’t wearing shoes cos I wasn’t actually chopping wood.

Now before you all flinch and start vomiting from imagining my toes being chopped off all over the place, my toes are all still attached.

They are just sliced up some.

On first glance I didn’t think that they were cut too badly either. I walked back inside past all the kids asking me what was wrong (CJ reckoned I looked like I’d seen a ghost) and went to the bedroom to have a look without setting off mass panic and it was then that I saw how badly the cuts were gaping on two of my toes and realised I’d need stitching up. I called my mum and told her I’d had an accident and needed her to come round straight away to mind the kids. Then my foot started hurting and I realised that I was not going to be able to drive myself to the hospital and that I might soon need some decent drugs so I called an ambulance. When I hung up from them PSLS rang to see if I’d fixed the axe yet. I told him yeah, I’d fixed it good by bashing it with my toes and that I’d be back to finish the job as soon as I got stitched up and hung up on him. You can see how this is all his fault can’t you?

Then I wandered back out to the living room with a towel wrapped around my foot to explain to the kids what was going to happen.

The boys wanted to look. CJ thought she was going to be sick. I was just keeping as much pressure as I could on things by this time to ease the throbbing pain.

Mum showed up followed shortly after by the ambulance that the boys had gone out the front to wave down. The ambo’s checked me out, replaced my towel with a dressing and helped me hobble out to the ambulance where they proceeded to let the boys play with the lights while they filled in some paperwork.

You’ll notice that I’m saying ‘boys’ not just ‘TJ’. It was the night of TJ’s slumber party, so instead of one boy, I had three. Man! What a story are they all going to have to tell at school on Monday!

I get up to the hospital and after an hour and a half wait am seen by the on call doctor. He was a little worried about tendon damage, but after a bit of prodding and poking and pushing he decided that I was ok and just needed some stitching. A lovely young student doctor did the stitching (under careful guidance). I have 3 stitches in one toe and 2 in another. A small cut on my big toe and it also just caught the tip of my 4th toe which now has a flap of skin hanging that they think will fall off.

Ready for a pic?

You’ll have to excuse the quality, I’m off my face on painkillers you see.

I can’t show you the stitches cos I didn’t have a camera with me in casualty. I’ll take a pic in a few days when the dressing comes off to show you all if you are good.


The question is.

How the fuck do I explain this to everyone’s mothers? Freak accident or the best party trick ever?



1. Meg - May 24, 2008

OMG ouch that would have hurt !

Don’t worry about explaining anything to the boys mothers…I’m sure the boys will tell all and then add some too πŸ˜€

You’re gonna be the coolest Mum around school on Monday, wait and see.

Hope the foot isn’t too painful today…thank god for painkillers eh?

2. Marita - May 24, 2008

Ow! I’m glad all your toes are still attached.

An exciting story for the boys to tell their mums.

Hope they gave you some good drugs for the pain.

3. Leigh - May 24, 2008

O.M.G…Didn’t your Mum teach you not to play with axes with no bloody shoes on woman!

Glad you didn’t chop any off!…ouch. Great party entertainment.

Yup, I agree..it’s all the man pets fault. I hope he is doing some MAJOR sucking up.

4. Joh Blogs - May 24, 2008

Heal quickly, ouch! It’s always good to have an audience when you do something:-). Especially boys – Helps to create the legend!

5. Tracey - May 24, 2008

I’m sorry. I can’t seem to stop laughing. I know it’s not funny, but dammit! I have the giggles. No shoes? A house full of other people’s kids? An ambulance? It’s straight out of Monty Python! I would have loved to see the look on your mother’s face!!!

6. widdleshamrock - May 24, 2008

Totally PSLS fault and his penance is to serve you on hand, foot and finger !!!!

Gotta love the drugs !!!!!!

Enjoy your happy place with the painkillers.

7. Darla - May 24, 2008

Ohhhhh I seriously have a weak stomach. I probably would have passed out.

Hope you heal fast!

8. Jayne - May 24, 2008

Keep your foot elevated…no, not your whole body elevated by swinging from the chandelier…no, get down off the roof, Bettina….will you sit down and stop having a happy trippy zone-out all over the couch,FFS! SIT DOWN! Put your foot UP!
And next time you even think about poking even 1 measley little toe outside your back door – PUT SOME BLOODY SHOES ON!
Hang on – don’t you attend safety lectures with the fire brigade???
And don’t you have some nasty kick arse safety boots floating around somewhere????
Hmmmmmmm????? πŸ˜›
Get well soon, ya goose πŸ˜‰

9. tiff - May 24, 2008

You sounded as though you were very calm about it all. I’m sure i would have been runnig around splashing blood and toes all over the place!
Hope you feel better soon.

10. anja - May 24, 2008

Babe, the pain is bitchin’ but you have so much mileage to milk with PSLS. That sod has some serious crawling to do.

As for TJ, he and the friends will be lunch time legends at school when the embellished story of the toe chopping happens.

Enjoy the drugs. πŸ™‚

11. Veronica - May 24, 2008


And freak accident. Definitely freak acident.

12. Gemisht - May 24, 2008

OMG so glad you still have your toes. And as Jayne said, put your feet up. And milk it for all you can with PSLS.

Have I ever told you about my close encounter with a ride on lawn mower (and I had shoes on) – mower 1, me 0 , so you have plenty of sympathy from my toes – then been there done that too.

13. Pure Evyl - May 24, 2008

I’m just glad to see that you weren’t passing out toes as party favors. That could be a real party buzzkill.

14. jeanie - May 24, 2008

Well, I suppose the good news is the axe is sharp enough – ugh!

15. Bettina - May 24, 2008

Meg – yes thank God for painkillers! I’m sure the boys are going to have the BEST sleepover story on monday morning lol

Marita – Thanks. I’m glad my toes are still attached too. Yes they gave me great drugs

Leigh – My mum never taught me about axes – we had gas heating πŸ˜‰ lol

Joh – Thanks. I always seem to have audience when I stuff up lol

Tracey – It’s ok. Laugh all you like. It is pretty funny, except for the pain.

WS – thanks hon. PSLS thinks it is his duty to laugh at me apparently. But he does agree that I shouldn’t have to chop wood in future.

Darla – thanks. I couldn’t afford to pass out being just me home with 4 kids 2 of whom weren’t mine. I’m pretty good with my own injuries, as long as I don’t look at them too long.

Jayne – I’m sitting, I’m sitting!! Sheesh! πŸ˜› Yes we have safety lectures at the fire brigade, I must have missed that one. I hear that I have already been nicknamed 3 toes. This is going to take longer to live down than setting my kitchen alight last year!

Tiff – Thanks hon. I had to be calm. I knew that my reaction would set the tone of the kid’s reactions. If I’d panicked so would they and with hubby not home I really needed them to stay calm.

Anja – Thanks babe. I got to say that one of the doc’s sharing his own story of putting an axe through his foot made me feel a lot less stupid while they were stitching me up lol Drugs are good.

Veronica – Thanks. I was thinking freak accident.

Gemisht – No you haven’t told me about your close encounter with the lawn mower. Do share!!

Evyl – I should have prepared some fake ones earlier shouldn’t I?

Jeanie – yeah, hubby said to me this morning that he only sharpened it the other day. *shakes head*

16. Trish - May 25, 2008

hope you are on the mend and not so off your face -OMG how scary.
You were so calm I ‘d have been yelling …and cursing my DH

17. magneto bold too - May 25, 2008

I would be all ‘beat that biatches! I pull the best party tricks EVA!’

Hope you are back on your feet soon and he buys a new freaking ax!

18. frogpondsrock - May 25, 2008

Bettina… what on earth were you doing fiddling with a bloody axe in bare feet????


19. Bettina - May 25, 2008

Trish – I’ve been cursing my DH don’t you worry about that πŸ˜‰

Kelley 0 baaahaaahaaa – TJ is going to have the most famous sleepover party EVER after that party trick lol

Kim – I know, I know. *feels suitably dumb* In my defense when I chop wood I wear my boots. I’ll know in future to wear them if I even think about the axe.

20. Screw Up Tuesday « Dances to the beet of her own drum - May 27, 2008

[…] obviously you can’t get a much bigger screw up than dropping an axe on your own foot. And I did promise a pic of my undressed foot. So here it is in all it’s gruesome […]

21. Scrappydo - May 27, 2008

Ummm… yeah, and then I would have taken the axe to someone’s parts….

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