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Queen of the gym bunnies! April 9, 2008

Posted by Mistress B in Goals, Health, Recovery, Weight Loss.
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Oh yes I am!

My continuing state of physical piss-weakedness ( that is too a word) has been getting the better of me, so I figured ‘Hell, I’m paying good money for that gym membership that I never use and occasionally feel guilty about, perhaps I should actually go and make use of the fancy equipment and training consultants that I’m wasting my husbands hard earned money on paying for’.

So  yesterday I had me an appointment with one of the trainers to set up a new torture exercise programme.

First the ever lovely owner’s wife took all my measurements. ‘Hold this on your hips.’ she says handing me the tape measure. Hmmm. ‘Where the hell are they again?’ thinks I searching for hip bones underneath all the belly fat. And then to my waist at which point I think ‘oh yes, I used to have one of those long long ago’ while cursing my children for the loss of my figure.

Then I meet my new trainer. Mick. No, no cute little spunky feck, spank worthy hottie. Just a nice,  trim, average kinda guy with a short hair cut to hide the already receeding hair line. But he’s nice. And understanding. Especially after I explain the reason for my patheticness (yes that is too a word too!) So he sets me up with four instruments of pain weight machines and 25 minutes of cardio to ease me back into getting my body moving again.

First he demonstrates each of the weight machines in their new, ute beaut, ladies only area. Finally I can suffer exerccise with some privacy avoiding having to look at fat old men working up a sweat while avoiding having the fit young men look at me with the same expression that I watch the fat old men with.  I drop dead in a faint from the shock am pleasantly surprised that I have retained some of my upper body strength despite not having been to the gym in 12 months. The weight of my weights aren’t the feather weights as low as I expected to be needing.

Then on to the cardio. Damn the person who invented programmable exercise bikes that increase and decrease resistance at random intervals! May their next life be filled with hills and inclines so steep that their legs catch fire from the burn induced climbing the things. Ten minutes and 4 inclines later I fall off get off the bike and drag my sorry arse to a treadmill. Ten minutes after that I  push the big red button that makes it all stop. Yeah I know. 20 minutes. I wasn’t kidding about being piss-weak-pathetic.

I head over to the mats to stretch and WTF? They’ve removed the bar. Me, with my rubber legs and poor sense of balance, has a snowballs chance in hell of doing stretches requiring me to stand on one leg without that damn bar. I. NEED. THE. BAR! ‘Oh well, fuck it’ thinks I, ‘I’m just not stretching my quads then’ and stretch my gluts instead.

Finally I went home, washed the stench of workout sweat from my body, picked my children up from school and went shopping while still feeling somewhat rubbery and nauseous. I’m not sore today though, which surprised me. I was sure I would be.

But never fear dear internets for you see, I really do like the gym. I like to feel strong, I like to feel like I have some control over my body. I hate that I have had to spend so much time sitting on my ever widening arse resting the past 12 months or so.  So I am taking myself back to the house of pain gym tomorrow. And next week I’ll be going 3 times and by the end of the week I’ll have increased some of my weights slightly and by the end of two months I plan to be back in a class or two. My motivation seems to have returned from chasing chooks and it wants that gym bunny crown, it wants to feel strong and in control again.

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Comments

1. widdleshamrock - April 9, 2008

YAY !!!!!

Go you !!!!

2. Scrappydo - April 9, 2008

Bugger! Looks like I need to haul ass and get back to my gym too… tomorrow. 🙂

3. magneto bold too - April 9, 2008

I was only thinking of this the other day. So I signed up for belly dancing. Cause I wanna be the chick with the wobbliest belly, cause they are sexy. Apparently…

4. Bettina - April 9, 2008

well I should be heaps frickin sexy then cos I have a very wobbly belly! lol

Yes Scrappydo, yes you should. Tomorrow.

Thanks Nikki

5. lightening - April 9, 2008

Good for you Bettina!!!! 🙂

6. widdleshamrock - April 9, 2008

Not wanting to hi jack your blog B, but Kelly, belly dancing is good to firm up those wobbly bits !!!!

It was first created for women to celebrate women.

7. Bettina - April 9, 2008

Hi-jack all you like m’dear!

8. picklebums - April 9, 2008

oh but I am sort of jealous!
I used to love going to the gym…tai bo was my fav.. I could visualise my boss’s head while doing that round house kick…
One day when I have more money and less children hanging off me all the time I will go back… if my body is still capable of walking by then!

9. anonymum - April 9, 2008

Well I’ve been thinking about the gym…surely that counts for SOMETHING…given it’s the thought that counts i mean??
I have been walking, but the wide load signs cost a packet and the mongrels won’t let me out after dark cos they say i’m a hazard
😦

10. Bettina - April 9, 2008

remind me not to ever piss you off Kate! lol

I know what you mean about the ‘wide load’ signs Anonymum! lmao Yes, I truly believe the thought counts 😉

11. Teresa McNamara - April 9, 2008

Go the endorphrins! It will feel good eventually. I promise!

12. Bettina - April 9, 2008

Have fished you out of Akismet Lightening.

Thanks Tess! I know it will feel good. And I have been missing it, it’s just hard to get going again after such a long break from the routine of the gym.

13. Scrappydo - April 10, 2008

Well Belly dancing eh?! I’d be the sexiest chick alive then cos I have teh wobbliest jelly belly there is!. Btw the way, i’m going to the gym. Tomorrow. 🙄

14. jeanie - April 10, 2008

Oooh – I see what you mean about wordpress stuffing your layout.

I too love the gym. Loved it last time I went about 5 years ago, and am determined I will love it again soon.

15. Jayne - April 10, 2008

“Gym” ?
“Exercise”?
“Motivation”?
What are these strange concepts of which you speak? 😛

16. Bettina - April 10, 2008

lol Jayne.

they are the things by which fat chicks may once again become um…. less fat.

*blank stare*

17. Bettina - April 10, 2008

I had to pick another layout for the meantime Jeanie. Will hopefully be able to go back to the old one soon

18. Anja - April 10, 2008

I suck at belly dancing. I have no hips, apparently. *sulks*

I shall stick to the kick boxing. *sigh*

19. Naomi - April 11, 2008

Oh, I hate it when there’s no bar. Oh well. That’s why people invented sitdown stretches 😉

20. It’s official. « Dances to the beet of her own drum - May 2, 2008

[…] all started with that Gym Bunny thing you […]


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