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SheFinally Did It! October 31, 2007

Posted by Mistress B in In Laws.

After nearly 30 years of abuse, my mother in law has finally left my her partner.

On Monday night she refused to sign yet another credit card application so that he would have money to go overseas to meet his Philippino mail order bride. (Not that he’d ever admit that’s what she is, but we’ve SEEN the emails!) He went apeshit. Smashed up the kitchen, threw glasses at her and W and threatened to kill her.

The cops were called and he took off. An AVO has been taken out and the police made him cancel his travel plans. He was meant to be flying out in a fortnights time you see. So, no money, no nookey, trouble with the cops and more tantrums.

All of this culminated yesterday with W (eldest son) organising alternative housing and D (youngest son) organising manpower and trucks to move them with. They were unpacked in the new house by tea time last night leaving him with only a bed, a fridge, one telly and kitchen gear for one.

So he gets home late yesterday afternoon, finds the house cleaned out and rings her to say “I’m sorry, I don’t want you to leave, I didn’t mean for any of this to happen, I just wanted the children gone” He wants her to kick out her two children who are at home and not have any contact with the 3 that aren’t. Fair enough to kick the two out of home on the surface, they are adults after all……. but this isn’t about them sponging, this is about him being terrified that one of the no longer intimidated by him children will start to influence her away from under his control.

This may be it. I’m hoping this is it. I’m praying this is it. But at the same time I have to advise hubby and his siblings to be cautious too. They are desperate for their mother to get away from their stepfather/father, but are looking at this only through the eyes of the child of a battered woman. They don’t understand why she stayed so long. They don’t understand why she was so desperate to hang onto her house. They don’t understand that after having her identity slowly but surely stripped from her that house is the only solid thing left that defines her. They don’t understand that she has been manipulated by this man for nearly 30 years and is still vulnerable to him. They don’t understand that battered women often go back and sometimes need a few trial runs before they actually go and stay gone. They don’t understand that they can’t make decisions for her right now, no matter how screwed up her thinking because until she owns the final decision to leave that it will never really be over.

I wouldn’t wish what I went through with my ex on my worst enemy, but ……….. how do I put this?……… if some good is to come from the hell I went through, I’m glad it is this, that I can support my husband through this and hopefully help him and his siblings understand a little of what their mother is going through.



1. Kin - November 1, 2007

Wow, let’s hope this is it. My step-sister has been in a similar situation about 5 times in the last 15 years, so I get what you’re saying about going back.

2. Precious_1 - November 1, 2007

thanks Kin. I know it can be such a hard thing for people who haven’t lived it to understand.

So far so good.

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